The best wife jokes

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: husband, money, wife
Peter goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home tired and five hours late. His wife asks him, "What took you so long?" Peter says, "That was the worst game of golf I've ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Harry hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack." Peter's wife says, "OMG! That's terrible!" Peter says, "I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry. . ."
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: game, golf, sport, wife
After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
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has 54.83 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, marriage, wife
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old. We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes. I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
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has 54.80 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, viagra, wife
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
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has 54.73 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, wife
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
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has 54.67 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wedding, wife
Doctor: "Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age." Husband: "Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?"
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: age, husband, wife, women
An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
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has 54.57 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, wife
Old Farmer Peter was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Peter: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
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has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: death, horse, marriage, wife
"My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."
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has 54.49 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
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