The best work jokes

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied,  "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too. As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain."
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has 79.29 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: animal, sex, wife, work
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
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has 79.18 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, prison, work
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally, he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
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has 79.16 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: airplane, stupid, travel, work
The sales chief, the HR chief, and the boss are on their way to lunch around the corner. They detour through an alley and stumble on a beat up but valuable looking brass container. The sales chief picks it up and starts cleaning it with his handkerchief. Suddenly, a genie emerges out of a curtain of purple smoke. The genie is grateful to be set free and offers them each a wish. The HR chief is wide-eyed and ecstatic. She says, "I want to be living on a beautiful beach in Jamaica with a sailboat and enough money to make me happy for the rest of my life." Poof! She disappears. The sales chief says, "Wow! I want to be happily married to a wealthy supermodel with penthouses in New York, Paris, and Hong Kong." Presto, he vanishes. "And how about you?" asks the Genie, looking at the boss. The boss scowls and says, "I want both those idiots back in the office by 2 PM." Moral: Always let your boss speak first.
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has 79.05 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: communication, genie, holiday, management, work
At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
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has 78.95 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, music, time, wine, work
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
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has 78.86 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, family, work
Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? A: "Darling, could you tell me about your work."
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: accountant, wife, work
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: music, wife, work
My boss doesn't believe money equals happiness. So instead of raises, he gives us Prozac.
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: drug, management, money, work
Q: What's the best part about gardening? A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
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has 78.47 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty, work
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