Best jokes ever

Q: What is a redneck's last words? A: Hold my beer and watch this!
Vote: has 78.20 % from 116 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beer, death, redneck
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
Son: Dad, it's so cold in here! Father: Go stand in the corner. Son: Why? Father: The corner is 90 degrees.
Vote: has 78.19 % from 706 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: math
Vaginas are like weather, when it's wet, it's time to go inside.
Vote: has 78.17 % from 1847 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, time, weather
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"
Vote: has 78.17 % from 505 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer, life, mexican, money, racist
How do you find the population of Mexico? roll a penny down the street How do you find the richest person in Mexico? SEE WHO GOT THE PENNY!
Vote: has 78.17 % from 1561 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money, racist
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Vote: has 78.17 % from 276 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, black humor, disgusting, life, sex
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
Vote: has 78.15 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: horse, money, romantic, sport
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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More jokes about: age, birthday, health, life
Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Vote: has 78.15 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bible, catholic, sport


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