The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
A blonde walks into a gas station and says to the manager, "I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
The manager gives the blonde a bent coat hanger.
A few minutes later, he goes out to check on her.
As her approaches the blonde working the hanger in window, he notices another blonde inside the car, coaching "No, no! A little to the left."
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."
The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?"
I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"
What do you call a fat Chinese prostitute?
Chun Ki Ho.
Q: How do you know if a Chinese tried to rob your house?
A: You get home and your maths homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later He is still trying to back out of your driveway.
A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land.
The pilot says, "You say she's blonde?
I'll handle this.
I'm married to a blonde.
I speak blonde."
He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."
When can women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
Chuck Norris won the Boston marathon in New York.
Vote:
Q: Why was the blonde late for work?
A: She was stranded on the broken escalator.