Best jokes ever

A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
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has 81.43 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: beauty, lawyer, money, women
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?" That's about as far as I remember.
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has 81.43 % from 296 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, women
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
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has 81.42 % from 2190 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, sex, women
Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper.
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has 81.41 % from 367 votes. More jokes about: airplane, Chuck Norris
My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.
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has 81.40 % from 1109 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
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has 81.40 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: cop
An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.
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has 81.40 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: accountant, work
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.
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has 81.40 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: friendship, life
Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
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has 81.40 % from 3255 votes. More jokes about: duck, money, Yo mama
“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ‘em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”
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has 81.39 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: animal
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