Best jokes ever

Q: Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads? A: They want to measure their intelligence.
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has 81.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about:
I busted a mirror the other day. That's seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
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has 81.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about:
Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
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has 81.27 % from 370 votes. More jokes about: school
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
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has 81.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
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has 81.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: mean
Q: What do you call a man with no body, and only a nose? A: Nobody knows.
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has 81.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: communication
I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke." Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?" Me: "John" Homeless man: "So Johny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have." Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?" Me: "I don't know? A lot?" Homeless man: "Well Johny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy."
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has 81.25 % from 358 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, life, money
Funny facts about Google users: 50% of people use Google well as a search engine. The rest 50% of them use it to check if their internet is connected
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has 81.25 % from 624 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, technology
I can't see the point of going to a lap-dancing club. If I wanted a woman who would take my money and sexually frustrate me, I would get married.
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has 81.25 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: marriage, mean, money, sex, women
Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game. "Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broke and if you don’t fix it the food will go bad," Kate said. Paul yells back, "Who do I look like the GE man, I Don’t think so." A little while later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the hall light, it’s out." "Who do I look like an electrician, I don’t think so," Paul says. A few minutes later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the porch step before someone gets hurt on it." Paul quickly replies, "Who do I look like a carpenter, I don’t think so." Frustrated, he gets up and leaves. He decides to go to a bar down the road. After the game was over, he began to feel slightly guilty for the way he treated his wife so he went on home. He comes up the porch and realizes that the step is fixed. He walked into the house and noticed that the hall light was fixed. He walked into the kitchen to get a cold beer and noticed that the fridge was fixed. Paul sees his wife and says, "Babe, how did you fix all this." She looked at him and said, "Well after you left I began to cry on the porch." A fine young man walked past and noticed I was crying and he asked me what he could do to help. He fixed everything. I asked him what I could do for payment." He said "I could either bake him a cake or sleep with him." Paul says, LWell, what kind of cake did you bake him?" Kate looks at him and replies, "Who do I look like Betty Crocker, I don’t think so!"
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has 81.24 % from 1536 votes. More jokes about: food, game, husband, money, sex
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