The best age jokes

You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: age, death, insulting
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, death, dirty, geography, sex
You mama so old she made yoda look young.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: age, Yo mama
Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: age, death, work
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
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has 70.38 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, food, life, prison
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
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has 70.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, food, life, travel
Yo mamma so old she pre-order the bible.
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has 70.08 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: age, bible, insulting, Yo mama
Young kids use a dating app on their phones. Older kids use a dating website on their computers. Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates. Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events. Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.
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has 69.90 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, death, morbid, relationship
A third age Scotsman was waiting for his son to return from his first date. Finally, he arrived after midnight. "Were you worried, father?" "Yes, I was really worried... I want to know how much did that date cost you..." "It cost me only four euros!" "Hmm, it's not that much." "I know father... But the girl didn't have any more money..."
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has 69.89 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, money
I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. I was a bit worried what he meant by that, so I asked him, "Do you think I'll live to be eighty, Doc?" He looked at me and asked me, "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?" I said, "No, nothing like that. And I don't do drugs either." He looked at me again and asked me, "Okay, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my old doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy." He looked at me again and asked me, "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" I replied, "No, nothing like that." He looked at me again and asked me, "And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" I said, "No, nothing like that, Doc." He looked at me again and said, "Then why do you even care?"
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, doctor, health, wine
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