The best age jokes

You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: age, death, insulting
Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: age, death, work
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
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has 70.38 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, food, life, prison
A third age Scotsman was waiting for his son to return from his first date. Finally, he arrived after midnight. "Were you worried, father?" "Yes, I was really worried... I want to know how much did that date cost you..." "It cost me only four euros!" "Hmm, it's not that much." "I know father... But the girl didn't have any more money..."
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has 69.89 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, money
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "You're Passionate." They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're Passionate." The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!" She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"
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has 69.85 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: age, bar, cop, old people, women
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, couple, disgusting, old people
Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.
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has 69.55 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, death, old people, Yo mama
Young kids use a dating app on their phones. Older kids use a dating website on their computers. Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates. Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events. Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.
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has 69.37 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, death, morbid, relationship
Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was 90.
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has 69.34 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: age, anniversary, marriage, party, wife
A very old man went to a church, making this confession: - Father, I am 78 years old, I have been married for 40 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I had sex with an 21 year old woman. - When was the last time you made a confession? - I never have, I am Jewish. - Then why are you telling it to me? - I am telling it everybody ...
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has 68.81 % from 264 votes. More jokes about: age, church, god, sex, wife
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