Yo mama's so old her breast milk is powdered.
Yo Momma soooo old she was wearing a Jesus starter jacket!
COP: "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." LADY: "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old.”
Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
Yo' Mama is so old, she dreams in black and white.
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Should women have children after 35? "No, 35 children are enough!"
A guy walks into a bar and announces that he can close his eyes and name what kind of alcohol he is drinking and how old it is, just by taste and smell. A drunken guy at the bar says, "I bet I can give you a drink that you can't name." "You're on," replies the guy, "as long as you pay." So the drunken guy puts a drink on the table. The guy sips it, gags and spits it out. "This tastes like piss!" "Yeah," says the drunken guy, "now guess how old I am."
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud. Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down. The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the torture by staying calm and noble. The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude. In fact, he gets worse. Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane. People got desperate. Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk. He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket. He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear. The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt. The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement. "Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered. "I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."