Should women have children after 35? "No, 35 children are enough!"
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
Chuck Norris is not 70 years old. At age 60, he began getting younger. This is why he is actually only 50.
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*ck"? Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.
When Chuck Norris was 12 years old, he mauled a pit bull.
Yo Momma is so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!
You are so old, you fart dust.