The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? A: The blonde, because she's 18.
Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.
Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.
Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud. Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down. The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the torture by staying calm and noble. The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude. In fact, he gets worse. Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane. People got desperate. Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk. He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket. He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear. The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt. The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement. "Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered. "I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."
Yo mama so old she ran track with the dinosaurs.
Yo mama's so old her breast milk is powdered.
Messing with Chuck Norris is the only thing that will get you disqualified from a Colonial Penn Life Insurance policy - at any age.