The best alcohol jokes

I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. Coincidence?
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, wine
Q: What’s the difference between men and pigs? A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style." So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Man walks into a bar and sits next to another customer. Bartender comes over and says to the new customer, "what can I get you?" Customer says "bourbon and coke." Bartender looks at first customer and says another "beer Jackass?" He says nods his head yes. 10 minutes later bartender comes back to check to see if customer wants another bourbon and coke and customer says "sure." Bartender looks at first customer and says "another beer Jackass?" And customer nods yes. Bourbon and coke customer says to beer customer, "Man you are the customer, don't le t that bartender talk to you like that." Beer customer says "it's ok he al, he al, He always calls me that!"
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has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, communication, customer service, vulgar
Q: What's a blonde's favorite drink A: A cocktail.
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, blonde, dirty
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people
What's a difference between a blond and a mosquito? once you smack a mosquito it stops sucking
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has 55.91 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, blonde
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, drug, women
There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, "I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here." The string walks back to the table and tells his friends what the bartender said. "I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink," said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, "I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here." So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened. The third string says "Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink." The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, "You a string?" "Frayed knot," he replies.
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer
Q:What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? A:"Please, no stories!"
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
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