The best alcohol jokes

Q: What’s the difference between men and pigs? A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish. He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, "Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish." The fisherman looks around and says, "Well, we are almost out of beer, how about you turn this whole damn lake into beer". *POOF* the genie grants his wish and leaves. His partner slaps him on the chest and says, "What the hell did you do that for, now we have to piss in the boat!!"
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, fish, genie
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, drug, women
Woman: When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful? Beautician: Maybe. Does he still drink a lot?
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beauty, husband, women
Don't type "Chuck Norris" on Monster Milktruck, your milk will turn into beer.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse... And his favorite drink is punch...
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, Chuck Norris, life
A trooper stops a car and he tells the driver he stopped him for speeding. The irate driver says, "You're nuts, I wasn't speeding!" The driver's wife says, "Oh you old fool you are always driving too fast!" The driver yells at his wife, "shut up, old lady." The trooper is taken aback by the exchange but tells the driver he also is in violation the seat belt law. The driver once again complains that he was wearing his seatbelt. The wife states, "You never wear your seatbelt." Driver "I am going to smack you if you dont shut up". Not wanting a fight the trooper asked the wife, "Does he always talk to you that way?" "ONLY WHEN HE'S DRUNK," the wife states.
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has 54.59 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, cop, driving, travel, wife
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "What was that all about?" "Nothin', said the Irishman, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, wife
My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style." So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
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