The best animal jokes

Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
Vote: has 81.19 % from 2692 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick? A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
Vote: has 81.15 % from 135 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex
A very respected Captain in the Foreign Legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “Why is a camel tied to the barracks?” The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do … uh … we have the camel ready for them.” The Captain said, “Well, I suppose if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me”. After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn’t control his sexual angst any longer. He barked to his Sergeant: “BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!” The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and lead the camel into the Captain’s quarters. Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride. “So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?” he asked. The Sergeant replied, “Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town.”
Vote: has 81.04 % from 177 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, military
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
Vote: has 80.94 % from 323 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Vote: has 80.88 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. “Are you hurt?” she asks. She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
Vote: has 80.87 % from 133 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, hospital, love, women
Little Johnny's teacher said, "Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's." Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Vote: has 80.82 % from 234 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dog, little Johnny, teacher
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life. After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper. A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately. On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy. When she entered the room she stood steal... She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room. "But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked. "Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
Vote: has 80.79 % from 114 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, husband, life, marriage
A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling. What should I do?" "In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what’s the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
Vote: has 80.74 % from 63 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cop
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
Vote: has 80.71 % from 1920 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, sex, women


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