How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.
When Chuck Norris had a baby he was horny for the nurse and had a 70-inch long.
A couple of Yogi Berra's team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him. Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him. He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.
LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga. LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vagina". When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vagina". "You can't name your baby that!" "Don't disrespect me! I be her mama. I can names her anything I want." When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
What's brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole.