Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies? He ate his way out.
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.
What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
A couple of Yogi Berra's team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him. Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him. He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.