What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common? A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!