The best beauty jokes

Q: You know why women haven't landed on the moon? A: Because there is no shopping centre.
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: beauty, travel, women
I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair!
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, life, stupid
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer! Why? Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral! My condolences, says the officer! It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through! Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!
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has 52.77 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, beauty, business, travel, women
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."
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has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.” Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?" Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beauty, business
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
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has 49.00 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
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has 48.95 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: beauty
Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders? A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing them from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a question.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, stupid
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