The best beauty jokes

I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair!
Vote:
has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, life, stupid
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Vote:
has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: beauty, men, women
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
Vote:
has 54.60 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, money, priest, wedding
Q: What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night? A: Cold cream!
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: beauty, wife, winter
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle. The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so." That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
Vote:
has 54.49 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, beauty, marriage
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."
Vote:
has 54.13 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer! Why? Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral! My condolences, says the officer! It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through! Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!
Vote:
has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: age, beauty, business, travel, women
Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter? A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
Vote:
has 53.84 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: beauty, christian, easter
Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice. Except for Chris Brown.
Vote:
has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, life, music, women
Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders? A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing them from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a question.
Vote:
has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, stupid
<<<101112
More jokes →
Page 10 of 12.