The best beauty jokes

I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair!
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, life, stupid
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer! Why? Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral! My condolences, says the officer! It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through! Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!
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has 50.40 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: age, beauty, business, travel, women
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle. The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so." That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
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has 49.31 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, beauty, marriage
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beauty, business
Q: You know why women haven't landed on the moon? A: Because there is no shopping centre.
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: beauty, travel, women
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
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has 48.96 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
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has 48.79 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: beauty
Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips.
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, food, stupid
Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders? A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing them from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a question.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, stupid
Q: What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night? A: Cold cream!
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: beauty, wife, winter
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