The best beauty jokes

Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."
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has 51.86 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife
Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders? A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing them from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a question.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, stupid
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.” Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?" Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life
I have two accounts on Facebook it means I have two faces. It's really good because one is cuter to attract people.
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: beauty, Facebook, internet
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
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has 48.98 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
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has 48.11 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: beauty
Think of the hottest woman. Chuck Norris did her.
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has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: beauty, Chuck Norris, sex, women
Yesterday I was at the hairdresser to cut my hair. The cutting of the hair costs 3 Euros but I had only 1 Euro. So I have asked the hairdresser if she will cut my hair also for 1 Euro? She said yes, so I was glad. Ok, it is not perfect, one side of my head is cut a little bit more than the other one, maybe I look a bit weird, but nobody is perfect.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: beauty, money, ugly
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beauty, business
We're hoping Chuck Norris doesn't go bald on top. It's a bad look with his mullet.
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has 41.83 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: beauty, Chuck Norris
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