The best beauty jokes

Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life
Woman: When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful? Beautician: Maybe. Does he still drink a lot?
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beauty, husband, women
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: beauty, single
Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, food, stupid
I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair!
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, life, stupid
A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy her cigarettes. He walks there only to find it closed. So, he goes into a nearby bar to use their vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and eventually end up in her apartment. After they've had some fun, he realizes it's 3 a.m. and says, "My wife's going to kill me. Do you have any talcum powder?" The woman gives him some talcum powder, which he rubs on his hands and then goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and screeches, "Where the hell have you been?!" "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there, we had a few drinks, one thing led to another, and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and says, "You liar! You went bowling again!"
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has 55.42 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife, women
The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: beauty, football
Q: You know why women haven't landed on the moon? A: Because there is no shopping centre.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: beauty, travel, women
In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love. In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: beauty, college, drunk, love, school
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
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has 54.46 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, money, priest, wedding