The best beauty jokes

A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes. "I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible." Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, life, political, women, work
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby. He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?" His wife confessed, "Not this time."
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, couple, family, kids
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
Vote: has 74.72 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, lawyer, money, women
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"
Vote: has 74.48 % from 510 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, beauty, family, hospital, little Johnny
Q: Why did the blond layout on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight? A: She wanted to get a dark tan.
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, stupid
Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!
Vote: has 73.48 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, flirt, food, love
When I reached bus stop I saw a pretty blonde who was gazing me. First I supposed perhaps she loves me so I also watched her and twinkled her. Then I understood she has farted and is looking me in order whether I would feel or not.
Vote: has 73.42 % from 150 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, disgusting, fart, love
If pretty women from the south are southern bells, would that make pretty women from Mexico taco bells?
Vote: has 73.40 % from 72 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, mexican, racist, women
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.
Vote: has 72.77 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, dirty, sex
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean


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