The best beauty jokes

Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, dirty, sex
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?" He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had sex with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have sex with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
Vote: has 74.73 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bartender, beauty, communication, sex, women
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
Vote: has 74.72 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, lawyer, money, women
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"
Vote: has 74.62 % from 517 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, beauty, family, hospital, little Johnny
Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!
Vote: has 74.36 % from 56 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, flirt, food, love
While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, business, communication, customer service, mean
When I reached bus stop I saw a pretty blonde who was gazing me. First I supposed perhaps she loves me so I also watched her and twinkled her. Then I understood she has farted and is looking me in order whether I would feel or not.
Vote: has 72.33 % from 156 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, disgusting, fart, love
While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ. "I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"
Vote: has 72.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, communication, men, stupid, women
If pretty women from the south are southern bells, would that make pretty women from Mexico taco bells?
Vote: has 72.14 % from 77 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, mexican, racist, women


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