The best beauty jokes

A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot.
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More jokes about: animal, bar, beauty, black people, parrot
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
Vote: has 69.40 % from 144 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, little Johnny
A Knight was getting ready for the crusade. Ha turned to his friend and told him: "My fiancée is the most beautiful girl in the world and I can't imagine her being with someone else, while I'm gone. You're my best friend and I trust you. Here's the key for her chastity belt. In case I never get back, unlock her and set her free." When the crusade Knights were a mile away from the village, the Knight gets an urgent message: "Mate, You Gave Me The Wrong Key!"
Vote: has 69.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, men, women
Q: How do you identify a bald eagle? A: All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, bird
Nothing beats a beautiful woman who can sing... except Chris Brown.
Vote: has 68.01 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, music, women
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, IT, phone, technology
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, blonde, stupid
Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition." "The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance,'What's your condition?" Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words." There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, communication, money, women
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, life
My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its little head And watch me tie my shoes.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, beauty, time, work