The best beauty jokes

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition." "The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance,'What's your condition?" Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words." There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, money, women
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, life, sex
Kim Kardashian use to be 8 feet tall until Chuck Norris uppercut both her feet and that is why her ass is so big.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, Chuck Norris
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
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has 69.11 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: beauty, little Johnny
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time." Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
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has 68.89 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: beauty, gay, management, navy
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
Your momma is so ugly when she gets her beauty sleep she falls into a coma!
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: beauty, health, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York there is a magical mirror If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you a wish If you lie – poof it swallows you up. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead walk into this bar. They head straight for the mirror. The redhead goes first and says “I think I’m the most beautiful woman on Earth” Poof- the mirror swallows her up. The brunette goes up to the mirror and says “I think I’m the sexiest woman on Earth” Poof – the mirror swallows her up. Last, the blonde goes up to the mirror says ” I think...” Poof!
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: bar, beauty, blonde, ginger
If pretty women from the south are southern bells, would that make pretty women from Mexico taco bells?
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has 66.81 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: beauty, mexican, racist, women
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, school, stupid
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