My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its little head And watch me tie my shoes.
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Hipsters wear jackets in the summer, before it's cool.
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Q: How do you identify a bald eagle? A: All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?" Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied. "Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey. And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you".
One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.
I like your style I like your class but most of all i like your ass.
Chuck Norris often walks on Bikini Atoll during tests to get a tan.
A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store. He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it. So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir." "How can I help you" the employee replies. "Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?" The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"