The best business jokes

An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor. The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors. One is a young, healthy athlete. The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’ ‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient. ‘Why?’ asks the doctor. The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’
Vote: has 79.57 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: athlete, business, lawyer
Mother Teaches Her Child To Go To The Bathroom Mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers: 1. Open your fly. 2. Take out your equipment. 3. Pull back the skin. 4. Do your business. 5. Let the skin forward. 6. Stow your equipment. 7. Close your fly. She did check on him often to see if he had learned the lesson, and heard 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. She was very happy until one day she checked and heard 3-5, 3-5, 3-5.
Vote: has 79.29 % from 2208 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, sex
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
Vote: has 78.92 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, fat, food, kids, relationship
Q: Who was the best business woman in the Bible? A: Pharoah's daughter – she drew a profit from the rush at the bank.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bible, business, money, women
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Vote: has 76.20 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, math, money
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, dirty, mean, vulgar
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, Christmas
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Vote: has 74.43 % from 165 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, dad, lawyer, school
Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, dirty, money, sex, women
You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, business, insulting