The best car jokes

Yo Mommas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.
Vote:
has 76.37 % from 273 votes. More jokes about: car, fat, Yo mama
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car. The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?" The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in." The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?" The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the coat hanger." The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
Vote:
has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, stupid, weather
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
Vote:
has 76.27 % from 1096 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
Yo momma so stupid she got hit by a parked car!
Vote:
has 76.21 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: car, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
When Chuck Norris gets pulled over he read the officers his rights.
Vote:
has 76.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
Vote:
has 75.91 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, food
Chuck Norris doesn't need a License to drive a car... The car needs a special license to be driven by Chuck Norris.
Vote:
has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down. She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "My car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?" "Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke." The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. "Okay," she says. After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?" They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long. Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?" "Yeah," says Luke, "I remember." "Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed. "Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not." "Me neither," says Jed. "Let's take these things off."
Vote:
has 75.74 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, disgusting, travel, women
Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.
Vote:
has 75.62 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: car, fat, Yo mama
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
Vote:
has 75.60 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, time, travel
<<<10111213
More jokes →
Page 10 of 39.