The best car jokes

Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
Vote: has 77.50 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, jewish, life
Yo Mommas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 193 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, fat, Yo mama
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house. The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen. The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken. "That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman. "How do they taste?" "I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, food, time, wife
Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come on ova' here a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an' me is doing basically da same work?" Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic. "Try doing it with the engine running."
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, doctor, mechanic, work
Yo momma so stupid she got hit by a parked car!
Vote: has 76.34 % from 155 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her husband, urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!” “It’s not just one car!” said the blonde. “There’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car, husband, phone
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Vote: has 76.27 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour. When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
Vote: has 76.27 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, wife
Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda? A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bible, car, catholic
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, "Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, driving, stupid