The best car jokes

After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. "What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."
Vote:
has 75.28 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, christian, little Johnny
Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car's tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, "When were you last driving the car?" "Last night at 11:00," I said. "And the tires were on it then?"
Vote:
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, stupid, time
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
Vote:
has 75.22 % from 1482 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Vote:
has 75.18 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
What do you call a Ford Fiesta out of gas? A Ford Siesta!
Vote:
has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: car, travel
There are three blonds that went to the store. After they get done in the store one of the blondes realizes that she locked her keys in her car. The first blond tried using a screwdriver to unlock the door. The second blond tried using a hanger. The third blond tried using pen. While they are trying to unlock the door the second blond says "We better hurry up guys its about to rain and the tops down!"
Vote:
has 74.89 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, stupid
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
Vote:
has 74.72 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop
Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day. Husband: Well next time take the car then silly.
Vote:
has 74.71 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: car, husband, wife
A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine. Officer: "You were speeding." Man: "No, I wasn’t." Officer: "Yes, you were. I’m giving you a ticket." Man: "But I wasn’t speeding." Officer: "Tell that to the judge!" (The officer gives man the ticket.) Man: "Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?" Officer: "Yes, you would." Man: "What if I just thought that you were?" Officer: "I can’t give you a ticket for what you think." Man: "Fine, I think you’re a jerk!"
Vote:
has 74.63 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood? A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.
Vote:
has 74.53 % from 686 votes. More jokes about: asian, car, ethnic, mexican, money
<<<12131415
More jokes →
Page 12 of 40.