The best car jokes

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
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has 76.26 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, god, wife
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance? A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
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has 76.26 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: car, money, sex, work
Yo Mommas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.
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has 76.25 % from 290 votes. More jokes about: car, fat, Yo mama
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
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has 76.19 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, car, dirty, sex
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!"
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has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, car
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
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has 75.97 % from 282 votes. More jokes about: car, death, dirty, gay, sex
Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together. The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail. The robbery begins. The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?" "Perfectly," he said. He goes in the bank while the other waits in the getaway car. One minute passes, two minutes pass...seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the guys are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you understood the plan!" The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly what you said!" "No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
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has 75.64 % from 296 votes. More jokes about: car, gay, money
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
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has 75.60 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, car, mean, work
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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has 75.58 % from 1385 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body. I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"
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has 75.27 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, cop, death, gym
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