The best car jokes

Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood? A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.
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has 75.69 % from 377 votes. More jokes about: asian, car, ethnic, mexican, money
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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has 75.62 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, food
A Rolls Royce pulls up in to an expensive restaurant. A sheik emerges, followed by a harem of women and a rooster. After ordering for himself and his harem, the sheik requests a basket of apples for the rooster. The rooster proceeds to eats three baskets of apples. The waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster. The sheik explains, "A genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable cock."
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, food, life, money, women
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car. The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?" The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in." The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?" The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the coat hanger." The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, stupid, weather
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
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has 75.60 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance? A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
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has 75.60 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: car, money, sex, work
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
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has 75.60 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, time, travel
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
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has 75.48 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, car, dirty, sex
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"
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has 75.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, fish
Chuck Norris doesn't need a License to drive a car... The car needs a special license to be driven by Chuck Norris.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
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