The best cat jokes

How do you know if an Asian robbed you? Your homework is done and cats gone.
Vote: has 70.84 % from 412 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, cat, racist
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
Vote: has 70.45 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, death, fish, kids, stupid
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.
Vote: has 67.89 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, cat, nerd
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
Vote: has 67.19 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, death, fish, funeral, little Johnny
Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, Chuck Norris
Q: Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? A: For kitty littering.
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, kitty
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
Vote: has 63.32 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, Chuck Norris