The best cop jokes

When customs finds something in your butt, how do you act surprised?
Vote: has 53.58 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
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Yo mama so scary, every time someone throws shots, she calls the police.
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More jokes about: alcohol, cop, Yo mama
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
Vote: has 53.57 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, cop, redneck
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office. "What happened to you? the officer asks. "A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied. "Can you describe what they looked like?" "I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
Vote: has 53.03 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
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A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, driving, women
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop, phone
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, prison
Johny was stopped by the policeman on the road, the policeman has looked over the whole car and has said to Johny: "Johny, if you´ll go somebody by your car, the human would probably survive the collision with your car also without your help, but the treatment with the content of your archaic first aid box will survive nobody, there´s no doubt. Did you buy it in the shop B.C.?"
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop, little Johnny, time
Q: What do u call a police officer that works in bed? A: A undercover cop.
Vote: has 51.67 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, work
One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari. "Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?" "Because I feel like it." "Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari." "Whatever." So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up. "I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?" "It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop, disgusting


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