The best cop jokes

How does the LAPD play poker? Four clubs beat a king.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
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A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, "Where do you live?" "Nowhere", the first drunk replied. "And where do you live?", he asks the other. "We're neighbours."
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
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A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing." The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?" "A month." "Why did you wait so long to report it?" "Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear."
Vote: has 46.90 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, marriage, wife
The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, cop
At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police." Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, phone, technology
A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving. The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?" The drunk man, "What drugs?"
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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A cop stopped a drunk at about dawn. The cop asked, "Can you explain why you're out at this hour?" "If I could," the drunk said, "I'd be home by now!"
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:
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Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, she called the police to report a suspicious looking person lurking in her mirror.
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, insulting, stupid, Yo mama


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