The best dad jokes

My granddad always used to say; "As one door closes, another one opens..." Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: dad, old people
A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation. After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump. The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it. The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
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has 75.91 % from 385 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, sex
After Graduating from High School, David moves away from home to study at University. One of his letters home reads: Dear Father, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back. Dear David, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
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has 75.88 % from 166 votes. More jokes about: dad, graduation, money, school, student
"Mommy! Do Angels fly?" "Yes, they do my love!" "Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!" "Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
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has 75.63 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, love
Little Johnny is sitting in class, the teacher is going over vocabulary words. She asks the class to use a word in a sentence. The teacher says the word is "contagious". Johnny is waving his arm up and down, no other students have their arm up. The teacher figures there is no way Johnny can come up something rude for this word, and she calls his name to use the word in a sentence. Johnny says the other day, my dad and I were driving down the freeway and woman was painting a billboard, she was using a very small brush. The teacher says "what does this have to do the word contagious?" Johnny says "my dad turned to me and said: 'Son it is going to take that "cunt-ages" to paint that billboard with that little brush!'" The teacher says, "never again!"
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has 75.42 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, little Johnny, school, teacher
Little Johnny came home after school: "Daddy, I have a bad grade in English language." "Why?" asked his father. "Well, the teacher asked us the following question: "Mary entered the forest with John and came out of the forest with Mike. What is Mary?" "How come what Mary is? A whore, of course," said the father. "That's what I said, but the teacher answered Mary was a subject."
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has 75.09 % from 192 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, school
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
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has 75.03 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, family, Halloween, mean
On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother." Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."
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has 74.83 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, kids
By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead. And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dad, death, Fathers day, life
Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?" "No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
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has 74.12 % from 257 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, Santa, school, teacher