The best dad jokes

A boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected prostitute. The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall. He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected. The boy answered,"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuck the milkman and thats the BASTARD that ran over my dog.
Vote: has 73.11 % from 657 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, business, dad, dog, sex
Little Johnny came home after school: "Daddy, I have a bad grade in English language." "Why?" asked his father. "Well, the teacher asked us the following question: "Mary entered the forest with John and came out of the forest with Mike. What is Mary?" "How come what Mary is? A whore, of course," said the father. "That's what I said, but the teacher answered Mary was a subject."
Vote: has 73.11 % from 144 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, school
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
Vote: has 72.90 % from 180 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, kids, school
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Vote: has 72.83 % from 109 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, kids
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, husband, kids, wife
Teacher: "Who can tell a story?" Little Johnny: "Our maid's ass." Teacher: "Why?" Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her ass and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"
Vote: has 72.45 % from 124 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
Vote: has 72.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, money
"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!" "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
Vote: has 72.27 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, husband, kids
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that." So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."
Vote: has 71.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, dad, kids, money, school