The best dad jokes

Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & d*ed. "All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?" "Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."
Vote: has 73.41 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, dad, kids
"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!" "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
Vote: has 73.13 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, husband, kids
A boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected prostitute. The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall. He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected. The boy answered,"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuck the milkman and thats the BASTARD that ran over my dog.
Vote: has 73.03 % from 655 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, business, dad, dog, sex
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Vote: has 72.83 % from 109 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
Vote: has 72.75 % from 179 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids, school
On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing. The ground was slippery. So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's penis. His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"
Vote: has 72.05 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dirty, health, little Johnny, women
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
Vote: has 71.86 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
Vote: has 71.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, money
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
Vote: has 71.15 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school