The best dad jokes

A boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected prostitute. The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall. He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected. The boy answered,"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuck the milkman and thats the BASTARD that ran over my dog.
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has 73.12 % from 661 votes. More jokes about: animal, business, dad, dog, sex
Little Johnny: "Dad why your dick's hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?" Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."
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has 73.07 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, sex
Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: dad, money
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
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has 72.78 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
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has 72.74 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, school
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother." Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, kids
Teacher: "Who can tell a story?" Little Johnny: "Our maid's ass." Teacher: "Why?" Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her ass and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"
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has 72.00 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
Little Johnny came home after school: "Daddy, I have a bad grade in English language." "Why?" asked his father. "Well, the teacher asked us the following question: "Mary entered the forest with John and came out of the forest with Mike. What is Mary?" "How come what Mary is? A whore, of course," said the father. "That's what I said, but the teacher answered Mary was a subject."
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has 71.47 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, school
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense," So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
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has 70.86 % from 246 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, kids, political