The best dad jokes

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
Vote: has 69.89 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, family, little Johnny, school
"Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?" "Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!"
Vote: has 69.82 % from 248 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, school
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids, time
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad
Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon. He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This damn thing is so heavy" A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere" Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon" The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon" Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
Vote: has 68.16 % from 197 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, dad, god, little Johnny, priest
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Vote: has 68.01 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
Vote: has 67.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, gay, sex
4-year-old: Why are you my dad? Me: Because I made you. 4: How? Me: ... 4: O.o Me: ... 4: O.O Me: With Legos.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dad, kids
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours. I sure would like a piece of cake after though! Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!" Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?" Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"
Vote: has 67.51 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, little Johnny