The best dad jokes

Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Vote: has 69.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, family, little Johnny, school
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Vote: has 68.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, sex, time
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
Vote: has 67.84 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, gay, sex
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid: "Is your mom at home?" "Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared. "And your father?" "No, he has hidden away as well..."
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids, teacher
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend. “Your such an as***!” and she hung up. Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin “Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”. Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word. Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SHIT!” Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered “It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.” Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight. When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”. Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.” Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it. When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there. Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is? ”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, food, kids, phone
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing. To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, dad, fish, school, sport
Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, love, sex, sport
A man and wife were making love. When thay saw there 8 year old son at the door crying the dad started laughing and the boy ran away. Mom said "You better fix this now." The dad couldn't find the boy anywhere unwell he hurd a loud noise conning from grandma's room so he opened up the door and there was the boy putting his "wood" to grandma. The dad screamed "What the fuck." The boy said "It aims so funny when it's your mom is it."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dirty, family, kids, sex
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Vote: has 66.50 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, marriage