The best dad jokes

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, sex, time
Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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has 67.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, little Johnny, school
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon. He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This damn thing is so heavy" A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere" Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon" The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon" Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
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has 67.73 % from 228 votes. More jokes about: church, dad, god, little Johnny, priest
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
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has 67.50 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, "Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
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has 67.45 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: church, dad, little Johnny, money, priest
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
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has 67.11 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
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has 67.10 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing. To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: church, dad, fish, school, sport
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
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has 66.50 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: dad, marriage
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