The best dad jokes

A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid: "Is your mom at home?" "Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared. "And your father?" "No, he has hidden away as well..."
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, kids, teacher
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Vote: has 68.56 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, sex, time
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
Vote: has 67.89 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon. He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This damn thing is so heavy" A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere" Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon" The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon" Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
Vote: has 67.64 % from 224 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: church, dad, god, little Johnny, priest
Why do mexicans walk around the school like they own the place? Cause there dad built it and there mom cleans it at night.
Vote: has 67.28 % from 141 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, mexican, racist, school
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Vote: has 67.11 % from 89 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dirty
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Vote: has 67.10 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing. To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: church, dad, fish, school, sport
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up. The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.” The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.” “That’s what my father says.”
Vote: has 66.76 % from 88 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, dad, dirty
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Vote: has 66.50 % from 77 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, marriage


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