The best dad jokes

Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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has 70.34 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, little Johnny, school
You work at a corner store and a hot girl walks in. You ask for her number and she gives you a piece of paper with her phone number and address. She tells you to take her out today. She leaves and you tell your boss that you're going to f*uck the sh*t out of her and how you're going to rock her world. You go to her house and your boss is in the kitchen and the girl tells him, big daddy. You run out as fast as you can. You go to work the next day and the girl is there waiting for you and tells you that it's over between you two. Your boss asks you why didn't you go through with it. You tell him you thought you would be mad and fire me if you knew I was talking about your daughter. Your boss says I'm not her father in her Plummer. You ask him why she called him daddy. He says because that's my first name.
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, flirt, sex, work
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours. I sure would like a piece of cake after though! Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!" Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?" Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"
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has 69.73 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dad, husband, kids, wife
A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid: "Is your mom at home?" "Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared. "And your father?" "No, he has hidden away as well..."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, teacher
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
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has 69.49 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts." Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
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has 69.11 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, dirty, family, kids
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
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has 68.87 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
Son: "Dad, I'm cold..." Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, kids, science
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
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