My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons."
Wife: "Same to you father of none."
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school.
Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?"
"Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
Vote:
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die."
"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".
Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This damn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out.
"You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest.
"God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
Son: "Dad, I'm cold..."
Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
Vote:
A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts."
Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight.
Disturbed, he turned to the guy.
"In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!"
"Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
*Girl is crying*
Dad: Why you crying?
Girl: My boyfriend dumped me!
Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back
Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him!
Dad: I didn't
Girl: Where did you go?
Dad: To get you icecream :D
Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?!
Dad: So I could get it for free!