The best dad jokes

"Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?" "Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!"
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has 70.28 % from 252 votes. More jokes about: dad, school
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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has 70.03 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, gay, sex
Johny came crying. Dad: "What happened?" Johny: "Today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out." Dad: "That's bad, but why you are crying?" Johny: "I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me."
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, vulgar
Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success." Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dad, doctor, kids
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: dad, husband, kids, wife
A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid: "Is your mom at home?" "Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared. "And your father?" "No, he has hidden away as well..."
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, teacher
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours. I sure would like a piece of cake after though! Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!" Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?" Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"
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has 69.03 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
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has 68.77 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
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has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: cat, dad, death, kids
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