The best dad jokes

On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother." Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."
Vote: has 71.00 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, drunk, kids
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
Vote: has 70.72 % from 77 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense," So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Vote: has 70.36 % from 238 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, family, kids, political
"Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?" "Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!"
Vote: has 70.05 % from 250 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, school
Doctors son: "Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success." Doctor father: "Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, doctor, kids
Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Vote: has 69.93 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, family, little Johnny, school
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours. I sure would like a piece of cake after though! Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!" Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?" Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"
Vote: has 68.36 % from 132 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, little Johnny
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
Vote: has 67.74 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, dad, gay, sex
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, sex, time


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