The best death jokes

Q: Why do white people scare black people? A: Cause they always try kill your ass.
Vote: has 25.53 % from 84 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, death, racist, white people
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!
Vote: has 24.11 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, men, wine
Lenin dies and goes to Saint Peter to tell him whether to go to hell or heaven. There was a big problem among the saints because the half of them wanted him to hell and the other half in Paradise. Then they asked God, who of course tells them to go to Hell. After a week of being in hell, devil visited St. Peter and complained: "This Lenin will destroy me. One week in Hell only and he has already started their courses and demonstrations." St. Peter much forced agrees to accept Lenin in Paradise. From that day and then there was a disturbing silence. After two months St. Peter goes to heaven and he sees what? Everyone sitting around and Lenin standing in the middle and talking. Among the distinguished listeners the Saint recognises Jesus Christ. He calls him and says: "God will punish you" And he answers: "Who? God? But God does not exist."
Vote: has 22.31 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, death, heaven, life
A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit. She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?" A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?" The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"
Vote: has 21.42 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Vote: has 20.25 % from 88 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, desert island, disgusting, sex, women
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Vote: has 19.48 % from 74 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, desert island, disgusting, navy
Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
Vote: has 19.25 % from 225 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, blonde, death, sex
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Vote: has 18.64 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, wife
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
Vote: has 16.21 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, car, death


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