The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris was once shot. The bullet died.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
When you die on Earth you go to hell. When you die in hell you go to Chuck Norris' house.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.