The best dirty jokes

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
Vote: has 83.41 % from 210 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, money
Ben asks his new girlfriend for a hand job. "Ive never done that" she says, "what do I do ?" "Well" replies Ben, "remember when you were a kid and you'd shake a coke bottle and spray your brother with it ... that's what you do." She nods, so he pulls his manhood out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A minute later, he has tears running down his face, snot flowing from his nose and wax flying from his ears. She asks 'Whats wrong ?' Ben cries "TAKE YOUR FUCKING THUMB OFF THE END!"
Vote: has 83.37 % from 318 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are made up of glucose. Student: So you're saying that sperm has sugar in it? Teacher: Technically. Yes. Student: But it doesn't even taste like that... Teacher: what? Student: what?
Vote: has 83.30 % from 1066 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, student, teacher
An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm. He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off. The bartender agrees. The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis. The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also". There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".
Vote: has 83.25 % from 110 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, blonde, dirty, geography
I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang". I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."
Vote: has 83.25 % from 395 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, internet
My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.
Vote: has 83.17 % from 944 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, food
Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohhh yeah I do! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out.
Vote: has 83.16 % from 1948 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dirty, gay
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal. So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Vote: has 83.13 % from 2438 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing. Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed: What’s up? What’s up?, - some man asks. Dentist: Who are you? I’m Monica’s husband Dentist: Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!
Vote: has 83.03 % from 252 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home."
Vote: has 82.97 % from 271 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, love


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