The best dirty jokes

A man walks into his office box on a Monday morning. He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor. it reads, "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?" Outraged the man replies, "NO I DO NOT!" Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from his neighbor. Expecting an apology he opens the e-mail. It reads, "Want to buy some?"
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has 81.83 % from 424 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What is a difference between Ooooh and Aaaah? A: Only 3 inches.
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has 81.83 % from 436 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex
Man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his p*nis. Lady asks, "What are you?" He says, "I'm a fireman." "But you're only wearing a glass jar," says the woman. He says, "Exactly, in an emergency, break glass." Pull knob and I'll cum as fast as I can!"
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has 81.70 % from 663 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, party
A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"
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has 81.68 % from 1109 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, love, wife
Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here." The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here." The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer." The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?" He proudly replies, "So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."
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has 81.66 % from 330 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, sport
A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
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has 81.65 % from 251 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly? A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.
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has 81.64 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life, Santa, women
One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed. Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed. The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?” The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around. About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?” The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.” So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his penis became longer. The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine.” “And how about the Martian woman?” The farmer replied, “That damn bitch yanked on my fucking ears all night long!”
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has 81.60 % from 232 votes. More jokes about: couple, dirty, friendship, sex, wife
Girl Cop: "You have to right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you." Guy: "Boobs!"
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has 81.51 % from 598 votes. More jokes about: cop, dirty
Q: What are three words you dead the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home."
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has 81.44 % from 326 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love
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