The best dirty jokes

Who's the biggest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
Vote: has 82.45 % from 383 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, dirty, game, history
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says, "But sir, its just a sperm bank!" "I don't care, open it now!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says, "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!" she looks at him, "BUT, they are sperm samples?" "DO IT!" So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well," so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey its not that hard."
Vote: has 82.40 % from 512 votes. Send joke:
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Teacher and her 3 boy students: Teacher: “Why did you laugh?” Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.” Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.” Boy 2 laughed… Teacher: “Why did you laugh?” Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.” Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.” Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class… Teacher: “Why are you leaving?” Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”
Vote: has 82.32 % from 522 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, school, student, teacher
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"
Vote: has 82.21 % from 328 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, dirty, food, masturbation
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
Vote: has 82.12 % from 314 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, food, masturbation
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
Vote: has 82.09 % from 375 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!
Vote: has 82.00 % from 1549 votes. Send joke:
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A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
Vote: has 81.99 % from 193 votes. Send joke:
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3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
Vote: has 81.92 % from 141 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, dirty, ethnic, morbid, travel
A man walks into his office box on a Monday morning. He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor. it reads, "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?" Outraged the man replies, "NO I DO NOT!" Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from his neighbor. Expecting an apology he opens the e-mail. It reads, "Want to buy some?"
Vote: has 81.84 % from 388 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty


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