Joke #937

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!
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has 82.28 % from 1621 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
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has 81.11 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, "I’d calm down if I were you." The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!" The older alien again warned his comrade saying, "You probably don’t want to do that! I really don’t think you should make him mad." "Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. "‘What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He nearly killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?" The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you don’t want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear…!"
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has 80.72 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, travel
Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
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has 85.60 % from 793 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, phone, women
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"
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has 84.86 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, money, sex, time
When Chuck Norris had a baby he was horny for the nurse and had a 70-inch long.
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has 14.74 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris, dirty, nurse
Pr*stitute in the police station. The desk officer sayes "so when did you realise you were raped ?" She replies ... "when the cheque bounced !"
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has 73.02 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Yo mama's like a library, she's open to the public.
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, sex, Yo mama
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
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has 66.44 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, dog
Two nuns are walking back to the convent at night when two men push them into a dark alley and start having sex with them. One nun says "God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!" The second nun says "Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!"
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has 80.10 % from 214 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, god, religious, sex
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly? A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.
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has 80.60 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life, Santa, women