The best dirty jokes

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
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has 82.72 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony? A: It's not hard.
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has 82.70 % from 344 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
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has 82.70 % from 838 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight
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has 82.55 % from 745 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says, "But sir, its just a sperm bank!" "I don't care, open it now!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says, "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!" she looks at him, "BUT, they are sperm samples?" "DO IT!" So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well," so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey its not that hard."
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has 82.53 % from 516 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What are three words you dead the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home."
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has 82.52 % from 283 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love
Q: What is a difference between Ooooh and Aaaah? A: Only 3 inches.
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has 82.50 % from 340 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex
Why do people say 'Grow some balls?' Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
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has 82.44 % from 874 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
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has 82.36 % from 381 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
Who's the biggest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
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has 82.35 % from 387 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, game, history
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