The best doctor jokes

Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, family, work
Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily. "It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live." "He had to be told." said the second doctor. "I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, hospital, life, tax
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
Vote: has 73.56 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, work
Patient: "Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness." Doctor: "You can pay by cash, cheque or MONEY order."
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, money
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, food, men
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, husband, lawyer, sex
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter." Responses: American: "Keep trying!" Briton: "Change Doctor!" Aussie: "Follow a special diet." Indian: "Practice yoga!" Pinoy: "Let me try!"
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, doctor, food, kids
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "I think my privates are too small." he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused. "Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc. "No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, doctor, sex, time, wife
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
Vote: has 73.02 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, life