The best doctor jokes

A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital. When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out." The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?" The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
Vote: has 75.00 % from 119 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, marriage, sex
You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body. Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, flirt, health, mean, romantic
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, money, sex, time
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Vote: has 74.89 % from 67 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, food, life
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter." Responses: American: "Keep trying!" Briton: "Change Doctor!" Aussie: "Follow a special diet." Indian: "Practice yoga!" Pinoy: "Let me try!"
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: couple, doctor, food, kids
Patient: "Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness." Doctor: "You can pay by cash, cheque or MONEY order."
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, money
First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food
A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..." The man shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily. "Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"
Vote: has 74.40 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, computer, doctor, IT, programmer
The doctor gave me one year to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him. And the judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life, prison, time
This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…"
Vote: has 74.06 % from 311 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, jewish, life


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