Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices stange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors. They all say: "You've been screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off." The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan. The doctor examines him and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?" The man replies, "Yes a few in the USA." The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off." The man answers, "Yes!" The doctor smiles, nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."
Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?" The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds." The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"