The best doctor jokes

Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Vote: has 49.30 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher
Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach? No, you should do it on a computer.
Vote: has 48.69 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: computer, doctor, internet, medical, technology
A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I’m horribly sick!” The doctor looks at her and asks, “Flu?” “No, I drove here.”
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, doctor
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want no vacaine because I’m in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You’re certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
Vote: has 48.13 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dentist, doctor, husband, women
A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, "You have acute appendicitis." The blond yelled at the doctor... "A cute appendicitis! I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!"
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, doctor, medical, stupid
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, medical, money, party
Q: What kind of doctor does a duck visit? A: A Ducktor.
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, duck
Doctor doctor I feel that Im a pack of card. What can I do ? Doctor: I deal with you later.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life
"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
Vote: has 46.02 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life
A medical student is driving home on a narrow country road in the middle of the night after his shift in the hospital. The weather is terrible. It's raining cats and dogs. Suddenly a motorbike is screaming by with very high speed. "Jesus Crhist! What an idiot! He will crash if he doesn't slow down!" A few minutes later he spotted in his headlights on the side of the road the torn up motorbike against a big tree. He stopped and quickly jumped out of his car to see in he can give first aid. But it's to late. The biker is already dead. He looked around if there is anyone around. Nobody to see. The student thouhgt "This is the oppertunity to finally obtain a real human eye!" He always carryrna spoon and a glass eye in his pocket for an opperunity like this. He quickly removes the left eye and places the glass eye in the socket. One quick look around and he jumps in his car and races off. The next morning when he wakes up he turned on the tv and watches the news. It said: "Biker found dead on country road with 2 glass eyes."
Vote: has 46.02 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, hospital, school, time, travel


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