The best doctor jokes

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Vote: has 51.37 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Vote: has 50.76 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
Vote: has 50.70 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, mechanic, medical, money
A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him: - Do you smoke? - No. - Do you drink? - No. - Do you eat fast food? - No. - Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, doctor, life
A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor. Doctor said: "It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age." Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?"
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, doctor, old people
One day a Blonde went the doctor with a burn on her stomach. The doctor gasped and asked what happened. the Blonde told the doctor she put a lighter against her stomach. The doctor asked her why in the world she would do that. the blond said "I was trying to burn calories."
Vote: has 49.30 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, doctor
A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I’m horribly sick!” The doctor looks at her and asks, “Flu?” “No, I drove here.”
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, doctor
The sexologist to Johny: "let´s talk about sex!" Johny: "I have no idea."
Vote: has 47.62 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, doctor, little Johnny, sex
There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”" The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine." The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, drug, life


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