Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
A patient to his friend: "I am taking rest cure." Friend: "What do you do?" Patient: "I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy doctor."
Doctor: "You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt water?" Patient: "Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming."
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she visits the doctor, they need a forklift to get her on the examining table.
A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."
An 80-year-old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills." His wife gets her coat on and says, "I'm going to the doctor, too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him: - Do you smoke? - No. - Do you drink? - No. - Do you eat fast food? - No. - Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...
A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor. Doctor said: "It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age." Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?"
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach? No, you should do it on a computer.