A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis.
He says to the doctor "My penis is too small."
Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch."
So the man thanks the doctor and leaves.
He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch.
Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy.
A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker.
"Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary."
Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"
Vote:
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
The sexologist to Johny: "let´s talk about sex!"
Johny: "I have no idea."
Vote:
A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining
it to a prospective patient. He told her, “I’ll install a special screw in the top
of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you need
a little tuck, we’ll just tighten the screw a little,… and the wrinkles will disappear!”
The woman was enthused and told the doctor to, “GO FOR IT!” The surgery
was a resounding success, and the woman went home happy.
A few months later, the woman returned in a great state of agitation.
She pointed to her face and said, “Just look at these bags under my eyes!
Where the hell did they come from?”
The surgeon looked at her closely and said,
“Those aren’t BAGS under your eyes.
Those are your breasts.
And if you keep messing around with that screw,… pretty soon you’ll have a goatee!”
A Kentuckian entered the US Army and was in his first week of basic training.
He lived in the back hills and was not used to the modern amenities.
On the first day, he was issued a comb.
On the second day they sent him to the barber to cut off his hair.
On the third day he was issued a toothbrush and toothpaste.
On the fourth day he was sent to the dentist and they pulled ten of his teeth.
On the fifth day he was issued an athletic supporter.
On the sixth day he went AWOL.
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?"
Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."
Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die."
Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
Vote:
Lately, I was by the urologist.
He examined me but he did not tell me the truth into my eyes.
Vote: