The best doctor jokes

A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal." Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit." (After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines). Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, food, life
A lady goes to the doctor, and says: "Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?" The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first." So the lady takes her clothes off. Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back." A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it. The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?" And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shit in here."
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, doctor, insulting, women
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
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has 43.24 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
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has 42.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, doctor, medical, sex
The sexologist to Johny: "let´s talk about sex!" Johny: "I have no idea."
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has 42.40 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, little Johnny, sex
A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear. Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?" "The sucker called again!"
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor, phone
Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary." Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"
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has 41.89 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor
Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf. Caddy: O! So, he too has played with you?
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has 41.84 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: doctor, golf, sport
Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?" Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."
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has 41.84 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: doctor, money
Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
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has 41.83 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor
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