The best dog jokes

A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your big dog outside?” Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?” She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!” “What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?” “A Peke” Replied the woman. “A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?” “I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
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has 80.87 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, dog, women
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks." The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch." The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife." The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
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has 80.87 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, drunk, party, wife
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
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has 79.78 % from 423 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, little Johnny, teacher, wine
Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"
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has 79.19 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, dog, mother in law, work
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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has 78.92 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: dog, relationship, single
A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. "Sure," I said, "as long as you provide your own kennel." I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: "I'll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!"
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has 78.92 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: airplane, communication, customer service, dog, stupid
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? A: They get their masters.
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has 78.59 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, school
Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road? A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
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has 78.59 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: dog, mean
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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has 78.03 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men, time
The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership is to take a puppy for a walk.
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dog, management
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