The best dog jokes

My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked. One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this. Yep I was a very dumb child.
Vote: has 80.23 % from 411 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, dog, kids, sex
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
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More jokes about: disgusting, dog, little Johnny, teacher, wine
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Vote: has 79.57 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dog, ethnic, food
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
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More jokes about: dog
I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.
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More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog. One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?" The man yells back, "About a half mile from town." Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer." The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?" The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
Vote: has 78.01 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, lawyer, travel
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, celebrity, dog, men
Little Johnny's teacher said, "Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's." Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Vote: has 76.95 % from 174 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, little Johnny, teacher
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dog, relationship, single