Joke #11824

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dog

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A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
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has 43.52 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, dog, game
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. While drinking he notices on the back shelf, a giant glass jar full of dollar bills. He asks the bartender "what's with all the $"? The bartender replies, "it's a game customers play. They put $50 in the jar, and have to complete 3 tasks to win the bulk". The man says, shocked, "well what are the tasks? There must be thousands in that jar". The bartender responds "you must pay the $50 before given the tasks". The man refuses and claims that's stupid. But after a few beers, curiosity gets to him and he decides to pay the fee. The bartender explains "The three tasks are... you must first drink this entire bottle of tequila until it's empty. Next, outback is an angry, stray Rottweiler who has a horrible tooth which needs to be removed. And lastly, upstairs in the apartment is an old lady who's been widowed for 45 years and hasn't had an orgasm since. So you must also give her a wild time to extreme pleasure to win the reward". The man agrees and starts with a few sips of the spirit, takes a break then chugs the rest of the entire bottle! Already feeling wasted and dazed, he stumbles out of his stool, and towards the back exit. Once outside, the bartender and other customers can only listen to what is happening. After a few barks and growls, all of a sudden the dog lets out a loud whimper. In stumbles, the daring man, clothes shredded and blood spattered. The customer's mouths were hanging wide open. The bartender asks " oh my god, nobody's ever done that, is the dog going to be alright?!" "Ahhhh Don't worry about that damn dog" shouts the drunken man. "Just tell me where the old bitch is who needs that tooth pulled". Heard this from an old man, not sure where he got it from, or if it's on here already or not.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, dog, money, vulgar
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, dog
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.
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has 80.87 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life
Bears do not eat bears. Tigers do not eat tigers. Dogs do not eat dogs. Cats stopped eating kebabs.
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has 13.41 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, dog, food
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
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has 51.81 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, marriage, wife
I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dog
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
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has 62.44 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, dog