The best dog jokes

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
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has 75.18 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: dog
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely. The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it." The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
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has 74.72 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: beauty, desert island, dog, food, men
A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please". The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, bartender, dog
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
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has 74.04 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.
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has 73.83 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, food, racist
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
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has 73.75 % from 332 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, doctor, dog, money
A boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected prostitute. The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall. He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected. The boy answered,"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuck the milkman and thats the BASTARD that ran over my dog.
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has 73.12 % from 661 votes. More jokes about: animal, business, dad, dog, sex
Teacher: Ramu, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? Ramu: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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has 72.93 % from 421 votes. More jokes about: dog, school, teacher
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