The best dog jokes

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
Vote:
has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, dog
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
Vote:
has 73.83 % from 333 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
Vote:
has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life
A boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected prostitute. The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall. He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected. The boy answered,"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuck the milkman and thats the BASTARD that ran over my dog.
Vote:
has 73.20 % from 667 votes. More jokes about: animal, business, dad, dog, sex
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Vote:
has 73.13 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men, time
Teacher: Ramu, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? Ramu: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Vote:
has 73.00 % from 422 votes. More jokes about: dog, school, teacher
There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday morning at 4:30 AM the man and the dog would go fishing. One day, the man fell in love and got married. After the wedding, when the man and the woman got in bed together, the man turned to the woman. "Tomorrow is Sunday and every Sunday morning, me and my dog go fishing at 4:30 AM. We'd like you to come along." "And what if I don't want to come along?" the woman asked impatiently. "Well then, sweetie, we'll just have to have buttsex." With that, the man rolled over and fell asleep, and left the woman pondering. "God, I hate having the buttsex, but I also hate getting up so early. I'll have to think about this more." In the morning, the woman could hear the man going downstairs to get the dog. It was much too early for the woman to get up so she decided to wait for the inevitable buttsex. She waited for about half an hour and fell back asleep, thinking her husband had left already. She awoke to the man, pulling on her arm. "Have you made your decision?" he asked "Yes," she replied. "I do not want to go fishing." True to his word, the man pulled down his pants. "By the way, what took you so long to come upstairs? It usually doesn't take that long to get Sparky up." "I know," the man said. "He didn't want to go either."
Vote:
has 72.92 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, fish, time
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.
Vote:
has 72.78 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, food, racist
Guy goes to his psychiatrist and says "I'm in love with my dog." "Well that is not so unusual, millions of people love their dogs." "But doctor, you don't understand. I'm physically attracted to my dog. I'm in love with my dog." "Well, is your dog male or female?" "Female, of course, what the hell do you think I am, queer?"
Vote:
has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: doctor, dog, love
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Vote:
has 70.73 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dog, ethnic, food
<<<4567
More jokes →
Page 4 of 13.