The best driving jokes

You might be a redneck if a police officer pulls you over to ask for your driver's license and your address is the county jail.
Vote: has 78.59 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, driving, prison, redneck
A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport. He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines. The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport. There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year. The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob." The driver declines immediately. The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing. When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
Vote: has 78.59 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, driving, mean, money, time
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"
Vote: has 78.03 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, driving, fish
A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop. The cop smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said to the priest, "Father, have you been drinking?" The priest replied, "Only water, officer." The cop then asked him, "Then why can I smell wine?" The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again."
Vote: has 77.03 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, driving, god, priest, wine
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him. She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street. At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load." He ignores her again and continues down the street. At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
Vote: has 76.96 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, communication, driving, winter, work
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Vote: has 76.89 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, car, dad, driving, teen
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: driving, health, stupid, work
The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple’s moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?" "Screw NO, get your own woman," said the groom, "this one’s all mine!"
Vote: has 74.98 % from 231 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: driving, romantic, sex, wedding, women
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, "Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, driving, stupid
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:" "Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?' "And so, here we are!"
Vote: has 74.72 % from 460 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: driving, food, gay, sex