The best friendship jokes

These two guys are riding in a convertible down a road in the desert, the road runs alongside a railroad as they are driving, as they are driving a train goes past, on the train a guy is on the train, clutching his stomach and grunting, his buddy leans over, and asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The guy replies, "I gotta shit real bad, and I can't reach the bathroom in time!" His buddy tells him "Hang your ass out the window, and let it fly." The guy hangs his ass out the window and the shi t flies back and hits the convertible. The guys in the convertible say "Damn, that guy on the train spit tobacco on us!" The guy asks his friend "Hey, pull over when the train stops and we'll find this guy and kick his ass". After he finishes talking the guy driving the car slows down. His friend says "Why are you slowing down, don't you wanna beat this guy up." His friend says "No!" The other guy says "Why". His friend says, "Number one, that is some of the stinkiest tobacco I've ever smelled, and number two, did you see the jaws on that son of a bitch!"
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: black humor, driving, friendship, travel, vulgar
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
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has 63.93 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, friendship, mean
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
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has 63.07 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, friendship, time, work
Your mama so old she was friends with Cleopatra.
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has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: age, friendship, Yo mama
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
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has 61.39 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, friendship, nerd, women
My friend to me "I don't understand why Chuck Norris is the butt of so many jokes." Me to the friend "Well he does kick a lot of them."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, friendship
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
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has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, dirty, friendship, sex
On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends. He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped." A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape. When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, cop, friendship
Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend? A: He wiped his bottom.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, friendship
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: friendship, marriage, mean, sex, stupid
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