Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend? A: He wiped his bottom.
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
What is the best type of ship? FRIENDSHIP!
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window. After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window. He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window. After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"