A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
Get bad marks, relatives will insult you. Get good marks, friends will insult you.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
My friend to me "I don't understand why Chuck Norris is the butt of so many jokes." Me to the friend "Well he does kick a lot of them."
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend? A: He wiped his bottom.
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Mike: "Hey Joe. My girl friend always gets offended whenever I tell her jokes about bald people." Joe: "Is your girl friend bald?" Mike: "No. She"s a blonde."
When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.