The best funeral jokes

A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: beauty, death, funeral, money, mother in law
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
has 71.40 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
has 71.07 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, democrat, funeral, money
Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
has 68.54 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: cat, death, fish, funeral, little Johnny
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
has 67.36 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: dirty, funeral, insulting, sex, wife
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
has 66.98 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, funeral, gay
An old man was accounting manager in a company. Every day when he was coming to office, at his desk, he was opening the drawer, seeing something in it very carefully, then he was closing the drawer back. After twenty years of work at the same position, one day he died. After his funeral, his colleagues came to his office to check out what was in his drawer, they opened the drawer, in a piece of paper very bold it was written "Debit Left, Credit Right"
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: accountant, funeral, old people, time, work
Chuck Norris can make you laugh at your own funeral.
has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: funeral, life
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