The best funeral jokes

Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
Vote: has 53.78 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral, hospital
Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
Vote: has 49.86 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, funeral
Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
Vote: has 44.24 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say "you'll be next!" They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals !
Vote: has 34.35 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: funeral, life, wedding
Q: Why are there only two paulbears at a black guys funeral? A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.
Vote: has 30.54 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: funeral, racist
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
Vote: has 29.10 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, funeral, management, navy