The best funeral jokes

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: funeral, life
Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
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has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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has 55.87 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, music
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral
On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either. The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. "What's wrong?" asked Johnny. "Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."
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has 53.72 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, little Johnny
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: funeral, lawyer, women
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral, hospital
Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
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