The best funeral jokes

Chuck Norris can make you laugh at your own funeral.
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has 57.62 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: funeral, life
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan." The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: funeral, sport, wife
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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has 55.70 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, music
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: funeral, lawyer, women
Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either. The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. "What's wrong?" asked Johnny. "Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."
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has 52.72 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, little Johnny
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral
Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
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has 48.41 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral
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