The best funeral jokes

There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan." The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
Vote:
has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: funeral, sport, wife
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
Vote:
has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral
Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Vote:
has 56.25 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, music
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
Vote:
has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral, hospital
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Vote:
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: funeral, lawyer, women
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
Vote:
has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife
On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either. The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. "What's wrong?" asked Johnny. "Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."
Vote:
has 54.85 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, little Johnny
Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
Vote:
has 50.67 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral
<<<34
More jokes →
Page 3 of 4.